Imagine That
The middle of the night is a perfect time for the monkeys in our minds to start wreaking havoc. They jump around and remind us of our mistakes, heartbreaks, failures; they encourage us to worry about tomorrow and the next day and our families and money and health and…there is a lot to work with, they are busy.
We, most of us, do not enjoy these moments. Whether they happen in the wee hours or in the middle of the day, we are both captivated by what is being said and willing them to stop. We try with might to push the thoughts out, to reason with ourselves about why we broke up with that partner or why we moved on from that job or how we’re responsible with our finances. Or, honestly, whatever. The muscle involved exhausts us; we are trying very hard to reign in the mental chaos. Sometimes it works, often it doesn’t.
Our brains do love the drama of the story telling. The more hyped up the story becomes, the better; it is very rarely good things that we think about in these moments. We’re not looking back on the great presentation we gave at work, or that parenting moment when you see the cartoon lightbulb go off over your kid’s head. No, usually it’s pretty upsetting stuff.
Just like feeling, we cannot control which thoughts come into our minds. They come and go all of the time, mostly without us reacting to any of them. These, because they are disturbing, seem compelling, and capture our attention. There is no sure-fire way to redirect our thinking, despite what your social media feed is telling you. There are things you can try; the experiment will teach you something about your brain and may be information that is helpful going forward.
Here are a few options that all have one thing in common – they involve changing the focus of your attention from the story the monkeys are reciting to something engaging, interesting, something that stirs our curiosity.
For some that might be walking out to the garden and checking the harvest or flower display, or reading a really good book. Not compelling enough? Try this: in a moment of calm, when the monkeys are resting, think of two or three things that are interesting to you. We’re not looking for “to do” lists or things that are productive, we’re talking about subjects that cue your mind to wander freely – activities that are creative and involve learning are often in this vein. Thinking about playing a song on an instrument, designing the garden for next year, thinking about what you will paint/sew/stitch/build next.
We often dismissively think of these things as hobbies, as if hobbies are frivolous. They are, in some way, forms of play – things that we do that are for our own enjoyment, not out of need. Because these activities are of interest, thinking about them is also compelling and capture our attention. And there is the magic – presenting an idea to your brain that is so interesting your brain turns toward it to think about it more, with delight or curiosity or both.
This writing addresses some of the core components of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), including:
Acceptance – recognizing what is outside of our control without aggression or struggle.
Attention – noticing, like an observer, your own feeling state(s) and thinking.
Values clarification – understanding what you love and want to connect with more.
Committed Action – doing what you intend, even though it is challenging and difficult.
If you’d like to learn more about how these practices can guide you in your living, please feel free to get in touch.
