The End and The Beginning
You know - you’re thinking about starting THE NEW THING and it all feels so gruesomely, gruelingly awkward. No grace; just elbows and knees banging into everything.
A new job, school, relationship, neighborhood, volunteer activity. The NEW part can be sort of tricky to think about.
The trickiness is partly due to the comparisons we often make with our last thing, the job we were in for years, the school we just graduated from, the town we grew up in. You knew that your coworker planned meetings well and was typically a few minutes late; you knew that the AP English teacher was tough and really helpful; you knew that your neighbor seemed grouchy and also would light up like a Christmas tree when your dog would go over for a little affection. At the end of your time with these people and in these places, it was somewhat predictable; at the end you were “used to it”.
Built through time, the known-ness of these places, people and experiences feels like an old, well-worn couch. The places, people and experiences become familiar. And being in company with them feels easy because they are familiar.
The new thing doesn’t have any of that familiarity, because, um, it’s new.
It is challenging to think of new things that don’t provoke feelings of uneasiness. The first moments of a date, interview or a new class, invite some unsteadiness. You’ve wandered into a foreign land, of sorts, so finding your footing may take a minute.
So take a minute, literally. Recognize that the expectation that doing something new will produce feelings of comfort and ease may be misplaced. Expect to be a little off balance for a moment. Noticing the connection between newness and feelings of uneasiness may be enough; there may not be anything to “do” about those feelings. As time passes and the conversation begins, you remember your elevator speech or you find your seat, those feelings may pass too.
If the feelings are strong and create a barrier, try some practices that are grounding: feel your feet on the ground, breathe deeply into your belly and chest, rub your hands together. If the feelings are really strong, you may need a hand to get back on track.
And then begin.
This writing addresses some of the core components of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), including:
Acceptance – recognizing what is outside of our control without aggression or struggle.
Attention – noticing, like an observer, your own feeling state(s) and thinking.
Committed Action – doing what you intend, even though it is challenging and difficult.
If you’d like to learn more about how these practices can guide you in your living, please feel free to get in touch.
